Kris Vallotton • August 20, 2021

The Responsibilities You Do and Don’t Have When It Comes to Forgiveness Vs Reconciliation

AN OFFENDED WORLD AND THE WORLD OF OFFENSE

Have you ever been in the midst of a relational mess? The kind that leaves you wanting to run far away and hide from the pain of the problem, escape the inequity, and avoid the argument. The truth is, relationships are one of our greatest challenges and one of our most tremendous rewards in life. Consider for a moment the exchange God made in order to regain relationship with us. The level of sacrifice made is the most painful, gruesome, unjust yet powerful and significant moment in history, all in effort to regain connection with us. Let me be clear, relationships are not supposed to kill your soul or abuse your worth, but they do entail sacrifices of comfort and declarations of love.
I have recently felt it pressing on my heart to address the concern of offense — I see a lot of offense boil over in the hearts of the Church. We live in a world that seems to be easily offended and quick to divide on concerns that do not need to be mountains we die on or matters to lose a relationship for life over. The Lord often cares about relationships more than He cares about who is right. I have been reminded of the verse in Matthew 5 that says: “Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.” What I am getting at is that we are charged to not sit back and wait for a solution or pray about the problem we are instructed to GO and reconcile. 
Far too often people talk with a multitude about the problem, but not to the very person where the problem exists. Now let me be clear, when it comes to reconciliation it does not matter whose fault it is, the goal is always connection for both side s . The Lord said “if your brother has something against you go to him” — He never said “if it’s your fault go to them.” The truth is, there will be many times that the concern is not your fault, but this doesn't mean it is not your responsibility. 
In this week’s video blog , I shared further about the Lord’s value for healthy relationships. 

NOT YOUR FAULT, BUT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

Have you ever found yourself on a forgiveness merry-go-round? Around and around you go again to the same problem with the same person as before. Does your forgiveness just seem to open yet another door for the wrongdoing to occur once more? Dodging punches and side swiping throws is not true reconciliation nor the fullness of relationship we’ve been called to cultivate. Now let me be clear, this does not mean if you have circled the merry-go-round once or twice and tried solely in your own strength and perspective to lend vulnerability and resolution to the situation you have completed the process of finding reconciliation. We have been given many steps to finding true restoration than this. Have you brought in outside counsel or gone before a neutral, trusted person with both of your best interests in mind to mediate the concern? 
Matthew 18:15-17 also gives us a clear example of how to handle a conflict when someone has sinned against you and it does not entail passive problem solving or powerlessness. Let me be clear, there is a distinction between sin and offense in this verse. Being hurt or offended by someone does not entail they have sinned. It is our responsibility to judge and decipher the difference and to bring in outside perspective and counsel if needed. But, when it is that someone has sinned, verses 16-17 give instructions to not allow one attempt to amend the wrongdoing to keep you from searching for another solution: “But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” I want to point out the distinction because offense or your buttons getting pressed is something you must resolve within yourself, sin is something they must resolve within themselves.
What I am getting at is, we all have a responsibility to keep our heart pure and not simply seek reconciliation one time and stamp it with “that didn’t work”. The Lord cares too deeply about the offense that could hinder our heart. Now, if proper steps have been taken and a process has continually occurred, but the same mistreatment and misbehavior has been repeated, this is when you must evaluate the boundaries you have in place. You are powerful and capable of establishing a firm wall with proper access points, for if they do decide to change, in order to protect your heart and the relationships with the other people in your life that feed your soul. 
The challenge is, it is easy for our offense to arise after putting in so much time and effort to find resolve. But, the truth is, even after you have given it multiple attempts it is your job to forgive. Romans 12:18 says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Relationships are two-sided, each one of us plays a part, we cannot control or require someone to reconcile, apologize, or to seek to understand. But, as far as it depends on you or me, we are to live in peace with all men. Even if reconciliation isn’t found, forgiveness doesn’t depend on them. I often hear people say “I have forgiven them but the pain still persists, does this mean I have not truly forgiven them?” No, forgiveness is an act of your will not a pain reliever. Forgiveness does not mean that there is or will be reconciliation nor does it take the pain away, but it does provide the foundation for your healing to begin. 
I want to encourage you this week to think of the relationships in your life that have caused you pain and bring them before the Lord and ask for him to give you wisdom on what step(s) to take. Maybe, it is to confront the issue, seek understanding with the help of a mediator, or to forgive them. You are powerful and you are not alone — the Lord is with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. 

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By Kris Vallotton December 31, 2025
As we approach a new year, many of us feel the stirring of purpose in our hearts, a calling to step into something bigger, bolder, and more impactful than ever before. But here’s a truth we often forget: often the closer you get to your God-given purpose, the louder the opposition becomes. Look at the story of Nehemiah. After years of broken walls and failed attempts, he finally received the favor, resources, and commission to rebuild Jerusalem’s walls. But the moment he stepped into action, the opposition intensified. Critics mocked, threats were made, and fear tried to paralyze him. In the face of opposition Nehemiah pressed on, and in just 52 days, what hadn’t been accomplished in decades was completed. I’d like to point out that opposition is not a sign that you’re on the wrong path. Often, it’s proof that you’re moving in the right direction. As you move into the new year, here are three practical ways that you can respond when the opposition grows louder: 1. Anchor Yourself in Your Identity Opposition often begins by attacking who you are. The serpent challenged Adam and Eve's identity, and Satan even said to Jesus, “If you are the Son of God…” Just as Nehemiah’s critics called him “feeble,” you may face lies that question your abilities, motives, or worth. Practical Step : Write down truths about who you are in Christ, your gifts, victories, and the promises God has spoken over your life. Keep them visible. When fear and doubt arise, remind yourself: you are a child of the King, chosen and equipped for this moment. 2. Stay Focused on the Work It’s easy to get distracted by critics, setbacks, or what others think. Nehemiah refused to “go down into the valley” of distraction or fear. He stayed focused on the wall he was building, not the voices trying to stop him. Paul felt this same pressure when he wrote, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me…” (Philippians 3:14) Practical Step: Create a “daily focus ritual.” Each morning, list the one thing you need to do that day that moves you closer to your purpose. Protect that time fiercely, and let criticism and noise slide off like water from a shield. 3. Recognize Opposition as Confirmation Opposition often signals that you’re stepping into something significant. Elijah faced Jezebel’s threats after his greatest victory, proof that he had truly impacted the kingdom. The louder the opposition, the more important your mission. Practical Step: When opposition rises, pause and ask: What is God confirming through this resistance? What part of my purpose is this proving? Let the resistance strengthen your resolve rather than weaken your faith. The new year is an invitation to step boldly into your calling. There will be voices trying to shake your confidence, doubts that try to paralyze your progress, and fears that want to hold you back. But remember: the louder the opposition, sometimes the closer you are to something God designed uniquely for you. Step forward with courage, focus, and clarity. Rebuild the walls that need rebuilding, stand firm in your identity, and embrace the opposition as a signal that you are on the right path. This year, don’t be surprised when the voices get louder, be encouraged. They are proof that your purpose is real, your mission is significant, and your victory is coming.
By Kris Vallotton October 30, 2025
Redding Civic Auditorium Bethel Church has had a vision to help create one beautiful city for decades. Then, in late 2010, the Record Searchlight posted an article that the City of Redding was closing the Civic Auditorium due to the current economic crisis. The Civic cost the city 1.9 million dollars in 2010 to operate. Furthermore, the building seriously needed to be refurbished. The Bethel leadership team was deeply concerned about the economic effect the closing of the Civic would have on our already ailing city, not to mention the negative impact it would have on the social dynamic of our community. This ultimately led to a group of leaders forming a Non-religious, Public Benefit, Nonprofit Corporation called Advance Redding to operate the Civic Auditorium in October of 2011. Advance Redding entered into a contract that paid The City of Redding 360k annually in the form of a lease, for the privilege of operating the Civic Auditorium for the community. 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The other counties will likely follow as their communities face the challenge of trying to maintain the quality of life they’ve enjoyed, while having to meet the rising cost of the services that make this possible. The sales tax increase is the least intrusive way to continue to maintain and even improve the quality of life in our community. It raises millions of dollars to meet these costs. Here are some of the benefits Measure A would provide for the City of Redding to sustain the progress we have made over the last several years, specifically: Redding Police: Add 20 more officers (17% increase), which could result in a significant reduction in crime and in response time. Redding Fire: Add new fire station in the Enterprise area, reducing response time in that area from 8.5 minutes to 5 minutes and response times citywide by 1.5 minutes. Updated fire stations across the city. 9 new firefighters and a new battalion chief. 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By Kris Vallotton October 22, 2025
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