THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
As Christmas is quickly approaching in just a few days, I’m keenly aware that time spent with family over the holidays can be a pain-point for many people. Yet, it’s incumbent upon me to remind us (myself included) that during this holiday season, the most important thing is family. As sons and daughters of the King, it’s our responsibility and honor to create a culture that makes people feel loved, seen, and valued.
However, this mandate doesn’t come without challenges. If you’ve ever tried to connect with a friend or family member and found yourself consistently bumping up against their defensiveness or anxiety as they scramble to do whatever it takes to make their felt embarrassment go away, it’s likely that they are struggling with a ton of shame
. Humanity was created for connection; not just for the sake of survival, but to thrive as well, and shame can ravage the God-ordained connections that we all desire and need. Yet, I'd propose that the Lord has equipped you with everything you need to cultivate connection and community within your family this Christmas.
Check out today’s video blog where I share several ways to connect with your family this year, and how to create an environment where everyone feels like they belong.
In a nutshell:
- A few years ago, I had a significant dream that prompted me to call a family member.
- I invited this family member to Thanksgiving. After some back and forth he finally said, “You know, I smoke and I know it bothers the rest of the family.”
- I was surprised and responded, “It’s not a problem! I love you much more than I hate your smoking.”
- After the phone call I realized that shame separates people and families for several reasons:
- People hate their behavior but feel powerless to change.
- They feel like their faults, frailties and sin make them unwelcome.
- I wonder how our attitude or actions play into their unwelcome feelings.
- People can’t break free of sin alone and yet their sin often separates them from the people they need.
- One of the greatest fears people have is that we’ll reach out to someone and they won’t reach back.
- 1 John 1:6 says, “ If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. ”
- Fellowship destroys the shame of guilt and sin! The catch 22 is that the fellowship destroys shame but shame keeps people from fellowship.
- Hebrews 13:16 says, “ Do not neglect doing good and sharing [fellowship], for with such sacrifices God is pleased. ”
- Did you catch that? Fellowship is actually a sacrific e .
- Something profound and powerful happens when we spend time with people. Fellowship helps us to become more noble and it roots out sin in our life.
- I don’t think any of us would say this out loud or consciously think it, but sometim es Believers can create an environment that makes people feel like they have to attain a certain level of holiness to be in our presence.
- I feel so strongly that we should make it part of our Christmas motto that everyone belongs . The culture we create should communicate: “If you’re part of our family, you belong here.”
- This reminds me of the parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15. The dad is watching and waiting, preparing for his son to return home.
- When his son comes home, the father turns to the community and tells them to get the ring, the sandals, and the robe – to put on the son. The whole community participates in the restoration of this boy. The father dictates the celebratory restoration of his son.
- The powerful part of this story is the elder brother ; sometimes we can become “elder brothers” at Christmas.
- The dad is forgiving of the prodigal son, but the elder brother was angry that his brother didn’t have to earn his way back into his father’s favor.
- The father accepted the prodigal son, no matter what he had done.
- Let me be clear: there are exceptions to this where we have to set boundaries with family members.
- It’s really important for us, especially this Christmas, to create a place where people feel welcome and loved.
- Here are some ways to help people in shame connect:
- Be humble by remembering where you came from.
- Love people for who they are and not for who they could be.
- Don’t parade your accomplishments in front of the broken.
- Give people hope without requiring them to change.
- Be empathetic; listen from the heart without feeling the need to correct their opinions.
- Be sensitive to people’s fantasies, because often their fantasy numbs the pain of a terrible reality.
- The most important thing this Christmas is that family comes together, loves one another, and people leave feeling loved and valued.
LET EVERY HEART PREPARE HIM ROOM
This Christmas season, I pray for wisdom, mercy, and insight on how to break down walls of shame with the ones that you love. May we be relentless in rebuilding connection in the relationships that shame has attempted to destroy. Remember that love cannot be defeated ! You are the embodiment of authentic love that can truly transform someone’s life. I pray that you will abide in the anticipation that redemption and restoration can always happen when you are near because you impart God’s great love to all those around you!
How do you see yourself rebuilding connection in your relationships over the holidays? Which one of these keys stands out to you as needed in your own life and family? Please share in the comments below!
