BIG QUESTIONS FOR A GENERATION
It can feel overwhelming and concerning to consider that we are living in the most fatherless generation in history. A proverbial orphanage lays outside our front door and probes the question, “How did we get here?” You might even have questions swirling in your mind like, “What does this really mean?” and, “What do we do if this is really the case?” or maybe even, “What is the importance of a father anyway?”
I understand the daunting feeling that comes with trying to tread this topic and heal the hearts of the fatherless. It has been a week since I launched my latest book Uprising: The Epic Battle for the Most Fatherless Generation in History. In a way this feels like a book I was preparing to write my whole life. As I have shared the pages of this book with the world, the vital conversation of fatherlessness has emerged with a running list of questions in regard to this topic. It feels as if for the first time a generation has dove into the depth of the topic of fatherlessness and emerged with questions swarming their minds and impacting their lives. Now, let me be clear, I am not going to pretend to have all the answers. But, the truth is that we have a perfect Heavenly Father who knows the answers to all the mysteries of life. He is not overwhelmed by the orphan spirit that has plagued this generation, nor is He hopeless about what the future holds even in the midst of the generational brokenness.
In the release of this book, I felt the importance of hosting a space to open up a conversation on this topic. So, a couple of days after the release of Uprising I gathered five trusted voices in my life to share their insights in a discussion panel on the topic of fatherlessness. I knew the conversation that would ensue would be important, but I am in awe of the powerful and inspiring dialogue that came from our time together. My prayer is that some of your questions regarding this topic like: how do I heal the wounds of fatherlessness, break the generational curse of orphanhood, or step into my role as a father are answered as you watch and listen to this conversation.
TOP 5 QUESTIONS ANSWERED
I wanted to list out a few of the questions asked on this topic below:
1. How do I honor my dad? He left when I was 2 years old. It’s been a hard relationship.
Jason Vallotton shared: Honoring your mother and father often doesn’t look like the ideal scenario. You can’t force your dad to have a relationship with you. You can't go back in time and change the past. Honoring your father often occurs in what you choose not to do — you don’t have to become bitter, and you don’t have to become a victim to your past. The ultimate step of honoring your father would be extending forgiveness. We all don’t deserve forgiveness but, you can release him into forgiveness.
2. I am a woman, but I feel so strongly about this movement. What is my role in the fatherless generation?
Leslie Crandall shared: As a woman, there is an importance in being a support to my husband as a father. My role as a wife is to continue to encourage him as a father — which really encourages him to step into his fatherhood on a new level. Ultimately, because I am a woman, it doesn’t mean I can’t lead people to the Father. Our Heavenly Father is perfect and if you can learn His voice you can connect people to a perfect Father. He will be the solution to any area of lack in their life. As a woman, I want to see the next generation Fathered by a perfect Father and as women, we can lead people to the perfect Father.
3. How does an adult child engage with a quiet, passive father who doesn’t reach out or offer strength?
I think there are lots of reasons men or fathers are passive. Think about how many men didn’t have a father and because of that don’t know how to father. There are fathers that are walking around thinking, “I don’t even know if my daughter needs me” or, “what would I even have to offer?” I think a lot of fathers are just operating in brokenness, not evilness. I would encourage you to reach out to your dad and let him know that you would value his input in your life. Part of building the reconnection of sons and daughters and fathers will require sons and daughters to reach out to their fathers as well. I think even with healthy fathers there is an ongoing need for input given to your father. There is a basic insecurity in fathers asking, “Am I valuable?” As children we can communicate the role we want our fathers to play in our lives, we can give them permission to be fathers.
4. How as a man do you feel confident in your manhood if you didn’t have a dad?
Jason Vallotton and Ken Williams shared: You need spiritual fathers in your life. Even if you have a biological father in your life, not one man is going to complete the role of pouring masculinity into you as a son. But, you also need to position yourself as a son because becoming a son attracts fathers in your life. The responsibility as a parent isn’t to know everything or do everything they need; it is to be able to surround your children with a community that can pour into their life.
5. I grew up never knowing my father, how can I now position myself as a mentor to others?
Donta Nelson shared: A big part of stepping from orphanhood to sonship is actually trusting that the Father has my best interest in mind. Confronting the beliefs you have about fathers in your mind. We never outgrow our need for having fathers — we are always learning and submitting our lives towards one another. I am mentoring and fathering people right now that are not my kids but have people still pouring into my life as mothers and fathers.
You can watch the full discussion here:
