THE PROBLEM SINGLE WOMEN FACE
Our society seems to dictate that men pursue women and not the other way around. This can create a pretty powerless culture for the girls who want to date and eventually be married but aren’t being pursued.
Furthermore, if a girl wants to be a virtuous woman, then she must refuse to use sensuality to seduce a man. This theoretically reduces her chances of “catching her guy” since the world offers a sea of sensual fish, so to speak, for honorable women to compete with. Yet, the truth is if a girl fishes with shark bait, then she will most likely catch a shark.
I’ve heard countless women tell me how painful of a process it is to work on yourself, be ready to date, and still sit around waiting for your faith-filled Prince Charming to come along. It can result in months, or even years of heartache. Our cultural shift to prolong marriage is not just a problem for women, so I’ll address the men in a future post. However, today I’m addressing the ladies as most of the comments on my last post about this came from women who have been longing for a man to pursue them.
So what’s a virtuous girl to do?
THE SOLUTION
Here are some practical steps you can take towards finding the man you’ve been waiting for:
1. Realize that most men don’t understand women, and you always fear what you don’t understand! So, if you hang out with guys in a low-stakes environment, it allows them to gain a greater understanding of you, which will reduce their fear. Try hanging out in a group before you date. Guys gain courage as they gain understanding.
2. Take initiative in breaking the ice. Most girls like the “chase” because they are born to be pursued. I’m not saying you have to chase guys down, but you can also be powerful in pursuit while preserving your femininity. Be subtle, but let him know you are interested in getting to know him. A note works great. Or, if you like someone, ask a friend who knows him to introduce you.
3. Don’t play your “hard to get” card; play your “I am worth sacrificing for” card! What’s the difference? “Hard to get” is a game you play for your own entertainment and needs, while “I am worth sacrificing for” creates standards that are attractive and cause men to rise to the occasion.
Another note on playing “hard to get”: If you’re not interested in the dude, do NOT lead him on. Other guys are watching, and a trail of male tears builds a rough road to your front door.
4. Be beautiful, but not sexy. Contrary to popular opinion, dressing sexy says, “I’ve got nothing else going on.” Men will find you attractive when you take time to care for yourself, including your body, soul and spirit. I want you to hear me here that I’m not saying you have to starve yourself to try and look like a supermodel. Not at all! But taking the time to dress in clothes that make you FEEL beautiful and expressing your creativity in the way you do your makeup goes a long way.
Men love a woman who encompasses beauty in EVERY aspect of life: in the way she treats people with kindness, the way she carries herself with grace and in the beauty of her spirit.
5. Don’t put yourself in the “sister” box. If you do your “sister act” with him, he won’t think of you as a lover. Many guys have close friends who are great girls, but asking them out feels like they are dating their sister.
6. Let people who love you know that you’re looking for a mate so they keep their eyes open. It’s important to share this piece of your life with people that you trust so that they can not only support you but also be on the lookout for a man that might be a good match for you! People who love and know you will be some of your biggest advocates when it comes to healthy relationships. You will need wise counsel when you enter dating, and eventually marriage. So why not begin this process from the start?
LET’S TALK ABOUT ONLINE DATING: IS IT “OKAY”?
Many women ask me if it’s okay to find a man on a dating website, and my personal conviction is that it’s absolutely acceptable! Online dating can be a great way to meet a potential mate because you’ve already predetermined that the men you’ll be talking to are looking for a relationship.
Think about it this way: the dudes who go to your home group are not necessarily looking for a girlfriend, but dating sites already filter those men out for you… In other words, you won’t be wasting your time on someone who is simply not interested in a relationship. It may take a few attempts to actually find a potential match, but at least you’ll be pulling from a group of men who are ready to engage on this level.
Like anything in life, it’s important to approach online dating with wisdom. If you choose this option, it’s vital that you sign up for a reputable website that is attracting Christian men.
Secondly, be honest about yourself on your dating profile and avoid over-promising and under-performing, so to speak. Creating a persona that isn’t an accurate representation of who you are will set you up to perform in your interactions, and won’t build trust with your partner from the beginning. By being open about who you truly are on your dating profile, you will invite a man to get to know your confident, cool and comfortable self.
This goes without saying but when you meet a man in person for the first time, be sure to do that in a safe and public environment.
YOU ARE NOT “TOO OLD” FOR MARRIAGE!
Yo, Ladies! It’s important for you to not give up hope! Some of you might feel like you’re getting old fast, and that no one is going to want to date you. I’m here to tell you that you are not way past the marrying age! I want to propose that you’re actually in the trend, not behind it, because people (in general) are delaying marriage.
We live in a culture that prolongs covenant commitment, so it’s not uncommon for women to get married in their 30s, 40s, and 50s! You’re not the exception anymore! Your delay in marriage does not mean something is wrong with you—it’s simply the course that our culture has taken.
Ladies, you were born to be adored, pursued, and loved! It’s how you were created…your divine design…your holy partnership with God. I want to encourage you today to not give up on finding the man of your dreams! Persevere through the sea of unknowns, pray for strength to jump over hurdles of disappointment, and be patient as you wait in confidence in the Faithful One who placed the desire for marriage in your heart for a purpose.
I personally know several women who met their husbands through the strangest of circumstances. It can happen anytime or anywhere. God specializes in the impossible! It’s time for you to dream again!
If you needed to hear this today, then know that I am praying for you. I encourage you to get some people in your inner circle to process with, pray for, and encourage you today. When you’re struggling with singleness, ask God to give you the patience to wait well. And remember that your prayers are powerful. God can and will work on your behalf to bring you your mate—and that is worth waiting, praying and believing for!
Where are you on your journey towards marriage? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
