Many of us have been misled into thinking that to love ourselves is a form of selfishness. Yet, what does Scripture really say? 'Love your neighbor as yourself'—this commandment from the Bible isn't just an instruction to love others but a divine mandate that ties our ability to love others to how much we cherish and accept ourselves. As we unpack this, let’s redefine what it truly means to love ourselves in the light of God's word, discovering how this self-love is not selfish but is actually the cornerstone of genuine relationships.
The Destructiveness of False Humility
Humans were made in the image and likeness of God Himself. Metaphorically speaking, God is the artist, Jesus is the model, and we are the painting. Every time we think badly about ourselves, we insult the artist AND the model. In Christian circles, humility is often taught as thinking badly about yourself. Consequently, much of what we believe about humility is actually a doctrine of demons, initiated by the devil and fed to us as a happy meal with the false promise of a prize inside.
But the truth is, false humility is destroying the lives of countless Believers! We are aborting our childlikeness on the altar of self-denial, self-hatred and self-sacrifice. Then, we wonder why we’re depressed and suicidal. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If we don’t love ourselves, we can’t love anyone else. Loving God and loving ourselves is the catalyst for loving our neighbors.
Furthermore, we will never let someone love us more than we love ourselves, and if anyone tries, we will sabotage our relationship with them! Jesus said it best, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27) The Greek word for love
in this passage is
agape.
Agape love is the love of God for mankind present in the person of God. God doesn’t just love, He is love! Therefore, agape love flows from the person of Jesus and it is meant to be directed back to God and people.
It’s funny how we can read a passage about three different people we are commanded to love (agape); (God, ourselves and my neighbor), and only see two. It’s time to fall in love with God, our neighbors
and ourselves!
Often, when I teach the principle of loving ourselves, inevitably somebody will quote this verse, “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self…” (2 Timothy 3:1-2). The Greek word used for love in this passage is
philautos. Philautos
is defined as a person who is preoccupied with their own selfish desires – self-absorbed and arrogant divas! When our love for ourselves doesn’t benefit our neighbor, it’s the wrong kind of love.
Put Love to the Test
I spent years not liking myself. My father drowned when I was three years old, and my mother married two more times; both were violent men who abused us. My fathers, who were supposed to teach me to love, didn’t like me, and I took on their assessment of my personhood. When I found Christ, instead of fully receiving God’s love, I spiritualized my self-hatred, calling it "dying to self." But I wasn’t dying to self; I was crucifying myself, feeling perpetually bad about the guy for whom Jesus died. It wasn’t humility; it was penance. I was a cutter on the inside of my soul, while faking joy on the outside. Twenty years after finding Christ, I finally came to grips with my identity in Jesus and learned to love myself. Now, I can finally say I love others, just as I love myself.
I want to challenge you to put love to the test! The more you love (agape) yourself, the better you will treat the people around you. In fact, check out Paul’s exhortation to men, “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church…” (Ephesians 5:28-29) This is so powerful! The standard for loving our spouse is how well we love ourselves. In fact, we are commanded to “nourish and cherish” our flesh, as Christ does for the Church. Jesus nurtures and values His bride, and we are to do the same to ourselves so we can bring the identical care to our family, friends and those around us.
Love never fails. It’s past time to discover the true power of love!
